A Ball Point Pen!! When was the last time you had bought one? And what does it bring to your mind? For me it reminds me one of my most important life lesson.
It was way back in my childhood. My family was like that of Simran’s family, (Kajol) in DDLJ. Father was the ultimate BOSS of the family…. not less than Hitler. And my mother was as usual as most women to such people, a dummy in the family.
Father had a peculiar habit of setting norms for all his children. It was just “His ways” & no other ways. We were well programmed to behave and adhere to rules. I don’t know why fathers are so strict, often.
Those days, writing with pen in schools used to start from standard three onwards. Till then it was with Pencils. Once we enter 4th Standard, Father had set the rules that one fountain pen (Ink wala) per year will be given to us. We had Ink bottles as much as we need & could ask for extra nibs given to fact that it used to break with every fall. But no extra pen.
However, I used to be very fond of pens. Collecting them was my passion, and I had already started it. I used to ask for pens whenever there was any occasion for gifting something to children. And I had a great collection too.
I was in fifth standard then.
One evening, I noticed a pack of “Four Ball point Pens” on the Table of my father. He had kept it when he had returned from the office. Probably he had been gifted by someone in his office given his position. The pack was really lovely & enough attractive to hold my attention. In fact, I was having a strong urge to open it. But the thought of the father was curbing my impulse. Nevertheless, no more I could control & finally my urge won over the fear. I could not prevent myself from opening the pack and having a glimpse of those Ball point pens. They were really striking in terms of colors, Blue, Green, Red and Yellow. Quite fascinating to the core.
I wanted having one of them but the thought of the face of my father with the anger painted on it fade away all my fantasy. I was too meek to ask for one as well…because I was well aware of my father’s nature.
I could not sleep that night for that fantasy. The impulse was too much. So, the next Morning, while my father was still asleep and mother was in the washroom, I slowly got into their room & took out The Blue one from the pack and kept it in my school bag.
The whole day passed. I had taken that Blue Ball Point Pen to school and showed it proudly to my classmates telling them that it was gifted to me by my father. I lied but as a child it was quite normal…isn’t it? I enjoyed all the attentions of my friends & felt very good about my possession. I was happy and proud as I had that with me.
However, In the evening, my father enquired about the missing one. The bubble of my happiness burst & slither. Everyone at home, my siblings refused to have any idea of it. Even I could not muster enough courage to say about it.
I knew very well how father used to react if anybody touched his things without his permission. And I had taken the pen from the pack, means not only touched but taken it without his permission. I could imagine what my fate would be if I admit about it. So, I felt better not to talk about the truth.
Thank God!!! Father was not that serious or was busy in something more important. So, he ignored it.
I was in bed, but not in peace. An intense feeling of fright had already taken over me. A chill was running down my body with thought of “Consequence” of “being caught”. I don’t know how I was feeling as if father was looking out for his pen particularly in my school bag.
Believe me…that time I was not happy with that Ball Point pen. It was something like that of a monster haunting me throughout the night. The bag looked like a laden monster as well. I took the school bag and kept it aside my pillow. A mixture of fear and guilt was holding me from inside hounding me terribly. I was really done …felt like throwing out both. I decided that the first thing I would do the next day…I would throw that Ball Point Pen somewhere on my way to school.
The next morning…I woke up with a gentle touch. Still afraid but holding my emotion as much possible as I can. I saw mother was waking me up.
My mother asked,” How was your night? You were quite disturbed.”
I looked at her with a question mark on my face saying “How do you know??”
“Mamun, go and say your father that you have taken the pen.”
I was shocked & surprised. I fumbled “Mmm..mmm..Mum…but…I mean!!!
Come on Sweetheart…I know it’s you. That is why you had a very troubled sleep last night. Isn’t it??
No point in pretending or acting now. Mother had caught me. I surrendered to her with my face down and tears rolling out.
My mother affectionately hugged me and then said….
“See beta, you already felt how it feels to be guilty and afraid in the whole night. Isn’t it hell…? Now if you do not admit and accept it before your father, you will never feel good about it in your entire life. Just Go and Confess”
“Father was not very serious about it. But that is not the point. the point is you need to learn how to confess your mistake. So, you must. Dishonesty never gives solace. Doing wrong is not wrong, but not admitting and accepting the same definitely is. Remember…when there is No honesty it means…it is all hell, hell and only hell….!!
It is not just about the pen; it is the act that involved you for that pen…that is important. I nodded and got ready to face the inevitable. (Did I have any other option??)
After a while…
I was standing before father. Thankfully my mother helped me confess my guilt before him. Thank God, father was in good mood. To my surprise not only he said it’s okay & take his permission next time, but also, he gave me the whole pack……!!!!
Was it scripted by my both parents…? I still wonder
But anyway…It was such a wonderful day. I felt so relieved. Got my peace of mind back. That was more than the “Possession of Ball Point Pens Pack” now. Got those lovely Ball Point Pens. Moreover, may be for the first time got my first lesson on honesty from my loving mother!!
I don’t remember I have done anything like that after that incident of my life so far……!! Till today…even if sometimes things happen unknowingly…I accept it and do corrections and vow not to repeat it again. Never knew A Ball Point Pen would taught me the first lesson of honesty & Facing the Consequence of my Action!!!
I have observed in my life that it is the honesty that helps you sail easily through the most difficult part your life. Because if you are honest…you surely have the Guts and that extra edge of courage to face the world!!!
Honesty is not only speaking truth and not touching or accepting things that doesn’t belong to you but it is also the ability to tell the truth to yourself, to accept your mistakes and admit your faults as well.
Without honesty a person cannot find peace and solace in this quite complex world. Honesty is the only thing that makes your life easy and keeps it simple. Definitely Honesty is the Best Policy!!!
Well, one thing I must say, even though nowadays no more I write in pen & paper and keypad has taken the place of pen, I still love pens, still they never stop grabbing my attention. I still love collecting them. 😊