Expectations!!

Expectations are a strong belief system within us that makes us assume that something will come to us or something will happen…
It’s true that we can never find a world which is “absolutely expectation free”. We expect from our life, the people around us and our surrounding…..most of the time inadvertently though.

Sometimes, we feel as if we are living someone else’s life. Often we feel a sense of void swallow up us, like something-is-missing kind. That’s for the reason that we let other people to decide our choices. We try to fill up their expectations. Same way we also want others to fill up our expectations. Social pressure is deceiving — we can promptly lose control of our lives without noticing it. To triumph over expectations, we must uphold ownership of our options and preference.

I feel…with every layer of expectations, we lose something within us. I mean every expectation comes with a cost of making a small dent in us…a kind of void, a kind of hole. That’s why “The more we expect, the more we become poor and miserable”. However, it’s not easy to stop expecting but we can consciously reduce them especially the layers which are not necessary for our struggle for survival!! At least, we can shed the Unnecessary Expectations!!  

Expectations are an illusion. By trying to please everyone, we end pleasing no one — ourselves included. That’s why most people don’t live the life they want. Everyone feels frustrated and disappointed.

Shedding few layers of expectations, sure a better way of feeling happier and wealthier!! 🙂

If you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed.
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

Menstruation:Teenage Girls & The Ghost of Shyness

Menstruation:Teenage Girls & The Ghost of Shyness. 

Not to be very expressive in terms of her liking, desires or dreams, not to be assertive in terms of strength, needs and wishes, not to be dominant in her thoughts or talents, not to be aggressive in her ability and aptitude in day-to-day affairs…and blah blah. Aren’t these the criteria what expected of a woman always? Isn’t she always supposed to be fiercely guided by somebody all her life, somebody who could be her father or husband or brother or partner or lover? Isn’t it something like as if, since she has missed a Y-Chromosome in here genes so she has to compensate it with her “Freedom” throughout her life to the ones who were opportune to receive that Y-Chromosome in their genes (Read, “male”)

The above lines, questions or assertions are just the tip of the iceberg that a girl goes through terribly in her tender and soft mind in her upbringing years. Even if she is subjected to inequalities for being a girl since she was born, since babyhood, she is raised with the preconditioned minds with preconceived Tory notions of her parents, family and the stand-pat gender biased society, but the complexities and the impacts of those injustice of unfairness starts showing up evidently when she steps in her teens or sometimes in her pre-teen age too. Preconditioned mind as in with the dos and don’ts which a girl child has to face and act prudently.

As a result, in most of the cases the girls in Indian families are often grow up with low self-esteem, low self-confidence and at times lack a sense of self worth too because of the regression reflecting in stereotyping of questions as in how they should behave.   Often they are wrapped up with ghost of shyness and coyness without their notice probably making them reserve and introvert. This actually ruins them from within, because puberty and adolescence come up with their own bags of natural complexities and intricacies. It’s the time when ideally a girl should be made to SPEAK UP most, but what happens in reality is their power of assertion is actually trimmed by the society and surrounding. And that makes it very difficult for them to tell or discuss even the genuine things that they face invariably with their elders.

Being a girl hailing from an orthodox society I do know one of the difficulties faced by girls is when they attain their womanhood. Menstruation is nothing but a very normal biological phenomenon, and adolescent girls and women should understand that they have the power of procreation only because of this virtue. However it’s considered as a peccadillo in the most of the Indian societies and its consequences have to be endured by every woman the rest of her life. Isn’t it a stark irony?

Imagine…

It’s almost that time of the month. She feels puffier than a marshmallow and her temple breaks out in zits. Chocolate is the only thing that calms her down and prevents her from beating up that irritating guy behind her in maths or badminton. Why do girls have to go through this? Well, for one thing, it’s her body’s way of preparing her for pregnancy. Is it anyway evil or immoral? 

But in many parts of India and other countries, the myth that menstruation makes a woman impure and dirty persists strongly.

  • Cultural norms and religious taboos on menstruation are often compounded by traditional associations with evil spirits, shame and embarrassment surrounding sexual reproduction.
  • Many girls and women are subject to restrictions in their daily lives simply because they are menstruating. Not entering the “puja” room is the major restriction among urban girls whereas, not entering the kitchen is the main restriction among the rural girls during menstruation.
  • Menstruating girls and women are also restricted from offering prayers and touching holy books.
  • The underlying basis for this myth is also the cultural beliefs of impurity associated with menstruation. It is further believed that menstruating women are unhygienic and unclean and hence the food they prepare or handle can get contaminated.
  • There are so many other taboo also.

Such taboos about menstruation present in many societies impact on girls’ and women’s emotional state, mentality and lifestyle and most importantly, health. It’s the sole reason why a large numbers of girls in many less economically developed countries drop out of school when they begin menstruating.

These not only significantly influence their sexual and reproductive health but also possess much social and educational impact. With much shame, infamy and disgrace associated with periods, girls tend shy away to tell the complications they go through during this period at times. They also end up doing and following unhealthy and insanitary things. They tend to use unhygienic practices such as drying the cloth pad and undergarments in a tiny corner of the room, storing the pads in a filthy place or using a sanitary pad for longer hours than recommended. Apart from health-related complications that can be caused by wrong information, it is also crushing girls’ confidence, making them damaged and devastated when they believe their bodies are ‘dirty’ and coupled with something awful.

With a damaged seed can we expect a healthy plant and thereby a giant tree that gives healthy fruits? Of course not. Isn’t it? A healthy woman is the pre-requisite of a healthy offspring and thereby a healthy civilization and being healthy means healthy in terms of body, mind and soul. So it’s imperative for the society to immediately look upon the problems faced by the teenage and adolescent girls. Because, it’s that period of their age that defines the prospect of the future generation. I just quoted one difficult things. However there are many problems an adolescent girl faces which needs words to be expressed and ears to be heard. Just like explaining to them that bleeding every month is a natural process like any other bodily process slowly brings behavioral changes,  similarly a considerate  communicative approach to the  concerns and complexities of adolescence girls not only will alienate their shyness but also make them healthy both physically and mentally. Menstruation:Teenage Girls & The Ghost of Shyness…is a reality…in fact a sad reality. 

Menstruation,Teenage Girls & The Ghost of Shyness……What do you say about it?

Also Read My write up D For DARK SKIN IS JUST A LAYER OF MELANIN

FOUR As To Deal with Depression

FOUR As To Deal with Depression…like Acceptance, Assertion,Amendment and awareness are the real ways in which depression can be dealt with.

In an ever increasingly interconnected world, people have never been so disconnected, detached and lonesome. Often we ignore someone in our surrounding who has all of a sudden gone in isolation, abruptly lost interests in day to day life and activities he or she has once get pleasure from most and have a extremely inert and passive stance towards life. These unusual behaviors often go unseen, overlooked or unnoticed and the person is edged to take a permanently erroneous decision.  The person surely suffers from an acute mental sickness and depression. Let’s not ignore it, anymore, reach out to the person, and help him/her get over this phase of life. Be sensitive, sensible and pro-active….

ADOPT THESE FOUR As

Acceptance– The first step is to accept its existence recognise it as a disease. “Depression Exist and its lethal for a normal well being of a person.”

Assertion – In many cases even if its existence is accepted, people seldom talk about it given to the social taboo. We have to get over this inhibition and make ourselves available for treatment.   

Amendment – Since it’s treatable, so along with medication, we have to amend some of our life style issues and outlook towards life.

Awareness – And last but not the least speared awareness about its existence, deadliness and curability.

We need to understand what depression is. Now, what is a “low”? What is it that happens within you? Fundamentally, you expected something to happen and it did not happen. You expected somebody or something to be your way or the world or the destiny to be your way, and it did not happen. In other words, you are simply against what is happening; that’s all. Maybe you are against a person, maybe you are against a whole situation, maybe you are against life itself. Accordingly, the depression will run deeper and deeper.   Says SADHGURU

The Above mentioned are the Fundamental FOUR As To Deal with Depression…at least to reach  at it’s entrance gate. 

Should Children be Part Of Any Political Protest?

Should Children Be Part of Political Protest? Or more precisely should children be part of any vitriolic campaigns?

Thank God!! The Delhi assembly elections are over. I must admit, painfully tough that electioneering in India has become synonymous to bitterly cacophonous, and with time it has become vitriolic bluster plumbing new depths every time. It’s almost a ritual now, but I think we have also developed imperiousness to these sullenly cynical high decibels as well.

And this time it was well expected in Delhi given to the fact that CAA, NPR and NRC protests were going to be blended in the election campaigns.

However my objective isn’t about the electioneering in India, rather I am more concern about one particular thing. During this process unfortunately children have been used as a part of these protests/campaigns which I feel is something we should seriously think about. Here are some of my personal encounters on various social media.

Few days back I saw someone shared a picture on Twitter where a toddler was seeing in a Namaste pose and the text written on the picture was “Hindu.. Jag Jao”. I immediately replied him that,  that’s unfair and children shouldn’t be made part of such things. He argued that nothing is going to affect that child and that’s nothing playing with the childhood. I said, “.It’s not about the child but about how do we respect and protect childhood.” He apologized immediately and told me that he would take care of it in future.
After few days my attentions were caught by a similar kind of post against Modiji shared by a journalist, columnist and a veteran author whose columns I never miss a read. I instantly pointed out but as expected why would a celebrity author care for it!!

And then it seemed things have gone much more ahead. At Shaheen Bagh I saw the clips of children the sloganeering angrily against CAA, NPR and NRC and whatever they were taught by their elders.

At the same time, on Twitter I found a video of a girl under 10yrs, reciting a poem “Goli maro gadaron ko” (I don’t know who has written that) on a school function I guess while her teacher was standing beside her. And then in a video a journalist was asking few children (std 1 to 3) why didn’t they go for school that day to which they answered teacher told them to be at Shaheen Bagh as “Modi kutta hai and musalmano ko bhaga dega, but hum nahi jayenge”. On asking who told them so, they replied aajtak. And thank God the journalist convinces them saying nothing wound happen to them that way and they should go to school to which the children happily complied.  

Recently on face book too I saw an under 10 Kashmiri girl reciting a poem “Hindustani ne ek kutta pala, jiska naam Modi hai” something like that. I think everyone whoever in any social media must have encountered such unpleasant stuffs.
My point is, is it necessary to make children part of such distasteful things. In Indian way of life across any religion or belief, more precisely in our social life we don’t even allow our children to be a part of any family disputes…let alone any public scuffles. Moreover even parents don’t fight before children and they are often advised to do so by the elders of the family as a measure to keep young and tender minds of the children which may have a serious impact. Movies which have violence above a point are not given U/A certificates…so that children shouldn’t even watch those movies. Then how can we feed our children with political, religious or community hatred and make them involved in it? Isn’t it an evidence of our sick minds?


Second, how is it justified taking them to public places or public protests like Shaheen Bagh? Often such public protests are potentially dangerous situations. Highly unpredictable in nature. There is no control over how the other people will act or react. Chances are that a peaceful protest may tits up and end up in violence. So isn’t taking children to such places is endangering their lives?  Isn’t it a violation of their human right to live? Unfortunately the death of a four month old infant at Shaheen bagh, Delhi was reported due to extreme cold and what’s more sad was parents leveled it “shaheed”. Really!! Since when it became a definition of “Bravery” to take children and pushed them to the death well?

 They don’t even know what the heck is done with them by their so called custodians, parents. And how can parents who should ideally protect them, their childhood, and their innocence, put them in such life threatening situations? Isn’t a part of parenting about minimizing risks and protecting children from any violence or danger?

From feeding hatred to putting their lives in danger, using them as a tool to get attention and sympathy is what has become a practice now a day’s across all political, religious and any group for that matter.

I don’t have problem with any protest, reasonable or unreasonable, I don’t have any issue if anyone or group wants to push their political or religious agenda. I don’t have issue with any bitter/sweet political campaigns…

But I have a serious reservation when children are used in such stuffs. I wish and hope that there will be a complete BAN on it by the concern authority. We must think repeatedly Should Children be Part Of Any Political Protest?

Children at this point of time are already loaded with challenges like nutrition, hunger, right to education, trafficking, begging, child labor etc. Isn’t it a sin to load them with our agenda of hatred and odium?
I appeal everyone to protest against such things which are happening in and around us. Whenever I notice such things on social media, I report it immediately. Similarly I make it a point to speak against it, right away.


Let’s SPARE children and let’s SAVE their childhood. Neither in private or public places feed them with our hatred, beliefs what-so-ever and messed up their tender minds and innocent hearts

#CoronaVirus: SERVICE TO HUMANITY!

CoronaVirus: SERVICE TO HUMANITY! Sometimes I feel the a tiny and invisible Corona Virus has not only challenged the survival of human living but deeply tested the very chore of human conscience…HUMANITY.  

Pictures say volumes!!

Isn’t it?
No words can ever be enough to express our gratitude to them….

We know how the dreaded Corona Virus has devastated the whole world bringing to its knee crippling the economy and taking a toll on human lives. India is no different. In this time of crisis the only hope are the Doctors and health workers. day in Day out, I here the kind of unruly things like attacks on them, stone pelting  and offending them. Just because they are doing their duty. What kind of people in particular and society in general we are?? 

CoronaVirus: SERVICE TO HUMANITY

look at these pictures….What do you feel? Did it stir you inside? When I saw these pictures, my heart filled with appreciation and admiration to them. For a moment it dished too. They are the over exhaust health workers who just take a nap like this. They are not only stretching themselves for the monumental crisis before us but also risking their lives. When all other students are asked to stay at home, medical students are asked to work.


They are there to help us. Let’s try our best to help them by staying home, staying safe
My heart fills with gratitude for their dedication and commitment. Truly it’s not just work for them… It’s SERVICE TO HUMANITY.

Gratitude!!!

CoronaVirus: SERVICE TO HUMANITY

Check Here for another photo story

The Tuesday Story

The Tuesday Story!

That day was another day. The sun risen in the same direction. But it didn’t end in the same note…Why…Read on


Since last few months, My Tuesdays are not going well. My Mother who is an ardent admirer of astrology…feels that it could be the effect of an “evil eye on me” or the celestial transitions/planetary movement that’s having some ill effect on me. So her strict instructions to me is….I should chant Hanuman Chalisha 11 times on Tuesdays along with one time Sankat Mochan Hanumanastaka, which I follow as I respect her feelings…whether I believe in these things or not…

Well…let me tell today’s story. One of my friends shared the following quote with me with his YouQuote.in app having His name on it (as if it’s His quote). I loved the quote….surely it’s a lovely one and I had already read it somewhere. The only thing I didn’t like was …His Name below it. So I pointed it out saying we should not do this…I mean whenever we use someone else’s quote….we should give due credit to Original author ….or at least #Anonymous #RandomReading in case we don’t know the name.

Bass…fir kyaa…
He became furious and tried to convince me that it’s his quote. I should have stopped I think. But the Tina – the har na mane wali – in me couldn’t. I Google and got him another YouQuote.in app wala same quote of another person who probably felt like claiming that it’s his quote. Then I showed him my old dairy where I had written it while reading it somewhere along with my view (which I often do).

Enough! He was caught now and no need to say embarrass too.

But I felt bad as I didn’t want to lose him as a friend. I could have ignored. But it all happened involuntarily. So finally I felt “Evil Tuesday played its game”
However ….I felt I didn’t do anything wrong

Wait….it’s not over….Read on

Around 10 PM…He said “SORRY” to me for being rude, accepted his fault and promised …will never repeat it
Hey…in friendship no sorry & Thank u…
I said and we exchanged laughing emojis …he he he

Any quote, one liner or write up should be followed by its original author or #Anonymous mention at least….I feel.  This is little ethics which we can always follow in this ever increasing plagiarised world.

One last thing….sochnewali baat yeh hai ki.. Now…I wonder is it the impact of Hanuman Chalisha ….that made things end with positive note????
Ha ha ha….worth pondering over …isn’t it?

This is my The Tuesday Story 🙂

Depression – An Invisible Reality!!

Depression – An Invisible Reality!!

“Gloomy Sunday” often termed as “The Suicidal Song” is a song, composed by Hungarian pianist Rezso Seress in 1936 has been blamed for more suicides than any other song in the history. It was banned by BBC for 66 years till 2002, for its dark notoriety and lyrics. Similarly, recently an online game “The Blue Whale Challenge” had surpassed news and media, spreading shocker waves,  giving Goosebumps to parents of teenagers in particular and public in general as it had edged a lot of young adults to kill themselves who were a part of playing this game that has unnatural and weird challenges in offer for its players. 

Many would wonder how come a song or a game would make people do suicides!! Yes, it’s not the song that’s played in the recorder, or some online games having bizarre challenges, that abate someone to end her/his life. The real culprit is DEPRESSION. It’s the real monsters that gets triggered and start tapping on the vulnerable minds edging them to jump to the well of death.

We accept it or not, depression is an Invisible Reality. It has its hidden existence in the minds of people irrespective of their age, gender, race, ethnicity, income disparity, social status, religion or other aspect of cultural identity.   It makes people psychologically vulnerable for self destruction, making them available easily for abatement of suicide, even at a slightest and insignificant trigger.

Depression, a state of chronic sadness (major depressive disorder of mind) is a common and serious medical illness, pertaining to our mental health, which negatively affects how we feel the way we think and how we act.  It’s an acute mental health problem that has a serious impact on our emotional, psychological, and social well-being.

Probably, depression is one of the most deadly serious ailments, but the irony is it has never been taken seriously. Moreover, mental health care has never been a part of “being Healthy” in our homes in particular and society general. Fortunately, depression is treatable but unfortunately it’s never been accepted as a disease. So, to deal with depression, the first step is to recognize it as a disease and encourage awareness about it.

There are ways to deal with depression. Check Here FOUR As To Deal with Depression 

Gods & Makers Of Gods!

Gods & Makers Of Gods!

While passing by at Nerul,  I noticed this make shift arrangements where the adorable idols of Bappa were in display. While watching the idols,  my attention was caught by  this moortikar who seemed to be deeply involved in polishing one of the idols.  I tried to get his attention by calling him but in vein as he didn’t respond. Probably he didn’t want to break his concentration. The setting – three chairs put together with all those untidiness around –  I was amused.  I was amused thinking of the fact that even in that state he can bring the gorgeous Beauty and life on the faces of the lifeless idols.  In reality,  Its the inner beauty of the moortikar that reflects on the faces of our beloved God’s faces.  Do we ever see that while we adore The idols of Our Adorable Gods. 

 

Happy Moments Need Our Attention and Care!!

This Morning…while having my morning Coffee with a fresh mind I decided to do one thing. I wanted to remember one good thing which I did, saw, happened to me or anything as such that had made me most happy….in the last week. Initially, to be honest nothing came to my mind immediately. After trying bit hard,the first thing I could remembered  was, “The bed time talk” with my son. He often tells me the story of Perky Jackson – The Greek Mythology  and few jokes along with it. And the second one was The time I spent with my friends last Tuesday. It was typically a “Fun and Foodwala” get-together. They were my  happiest moments!!

I wonder…Had it been about bad times…would it bit quicker and easier to remember?

Maybe, I guess…a Big YES!!

Because, “bad times” have a stronger invading power and raid the mind the moment they happen than “good times” which are slower and weaker to draw attention even if they happen with same intensity.
That’s how we live our days…without noticing Happy moments more often!!
Ugly moments never look for our Attentions but Happy Moments Do!!
For Ugly moments, Like adults are capable enough not only to draw our attention, in fact quite compelling to let us notice them but also their taxing impact stay for long even after the moments are over

But Happy Moments…like children need our conscious attention, care and absolute nurturing to be noticeable as well as let them have longer positive impact in our lives amidst the twists and turns of it….

If we are capable of recognizing that the highlights of our destiny can be found in the spell of a happy moment, we needn’t worry all the time about the hurly-burly of the future. (“Lost dreams”)
― Erik Pevernagie

We should understand that ““A good life is a collection of happy moments.” by Denis Waitley . A good and well lived life is mostly a collection of beautiful  moments. Let’s remember them more often and smile. 

Its also posted in HERE 

https://tinaacharya.blogspot.com/2017/05/happy-moments-need-our-attention-and.html